March 26, 2014
I’m just going to lay it all out on the table in this one. Forgive me if you feel like this is something that you have heard from me before. Believe me, I feel like a broken record. Today, I said that to a friend and followed it up with, but I still can’t seem to just get over it or past it or whatever it is I need to do to stay in my happy place.
What I seem to struggle with the most, in my adult life, is making close friends. Sure, I have a lot of people I hang out with. From the outside it looks like we are always on the go and have plenty to do. In all honesty, we do have plenty to do, especially with reorganizing for baby #2. However, what I am referring to is having those friends who check in on you, the ones you can count on in bad times, the ones that you call to tell all the good and bad news, the ones who understand you and accept even the annoying party of your personality…those are the ones that are hard to come by.
By no means do I not have any friends, yet there are times it’s very hard to remember that they are there when I am feeling lonely. As adults we get so caught up in our own lives, with or without kids, really that doesn’t even factor in or is a far, far secondary topic, with my experience on this matter. We get choosier in what we are willing to dedicate our time to, we get pickier with the people we are willing to give up time from ourselves for, and we plain just have less time to prioritize.
I used to think that it was because I moved across the country and left behind all of my family and friends I’d made up until that point. I used to think it was a southern California thing because there are so many transient people here. I used to think it was because I didn’t belong. I even used to think that it had something to do with me, with my personality, with my changing into an adult.
When really it’s just that we are all getting older and don’t have that 20-something free spirit (or income) to jet off on whatever whim we feel like. I remember I used to have that disposable income where I would travel 5-8 hours to go snowboarding at a moments notice for the weekend. Or fly across the country because my friend had a random invite to stay with their friend and we got cheap plane tickets a few days before. I was the person who would call every person I could think of on Wednesday if I didn’t have a fully booked weekend. Luckily, every single call would end up in an invitation to join them in whatever they were doing. We were in our 20′s, we included anyone and everyone and loved it!
It was a different time and I was still me, but a different me. Over the last few weeks I’ve come to realize that this happens to pretty much everyone. I just happen to be an overly sensitive soul, so it burdens me. But it shouldn’t and this time I realized that I only had me to pull myself out of it. However, I wasn’t the one that made me realize I was lamenting. At one point, my husband, Gil, said I should get out and hang out with a friend soon, get out and have some fun. He noticed I had become reserved and, as always, had the perfect thing to say. So simple, but it made me understand that I needed to shake my head and pick myself up.
So, I did.
And I wanted to share, because I know there are some of you that have felt this way before. While I don’t have any great advice, it’s nice to know others have been there. We all have different situations, different personalities, different friends, different families; we will all feel struggles in life in varying ways.
Furthermore, I wanted to take this time to thank the hubs for understanding and knowing me. I’m incredibly lucky to have him. To have found someone who puts up with my sensitive nature and knows just how to inspire me to be a better version of myself. Not to forget, L.L., she is the reason I strive to be a better me, too. She needs me and I hope to instill more confidence in her to overcome these times easier. Then, we have my friends, I want to thank them for listening and being there when I finally do reach out. Lastly, you, my fellow blog readers. This little project of mine is important to me and it wouldn’t continue without you, so thank you.
All these parts make me a the full person I am. I am better for it, and grateful.